guodisdoug

R.I.P

2009-06-25T18:34:00.002-04:00

Help Wanted

2009-06-11T19:45:00.002-04:00

Apparently, rumors have run rampant about Stephen Sommers losing his director's chair on the set of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. If Paramount's having trouble filling that void, I'm always looking for work.

Life got too Hard

2009-06-09T21:07:00.002-04:00

(image courtesy of g4tv.com)

What the crap happened to Max Payne? He looks homeless.

Death from Above

2009-06-01T20:06:00.005-04:00

Last night on the MTV Movie Awards, Sacha Baron Cohen gave Eminem an airborne tea-bag dressed as an angel. No need for detail, see for yourself, and read the thousand other articles about it.

Em's visible discomfort echoes sentiments that he was the only one not in on the prank. MTV had well placed cameramen and about a dozen mics on Bruno to be sure they got every piece of dialogue and every shot of the shock and terror in Slim's eyes. Why MTV would do this for anything other than immediate ratings boost and the following wave of internet buzz that's been abound today (and yes, to which I'm contributing) has yet to supersede the debate over whether or not the stunt was entirely staged. MTV and most all of it's music-related programming have suffered a severe drop in recent years. In the decade that Eminem has served as a presence in the music industry, MTV has lost the "Music" from "Music Television" and replaced it with reality show upon reality show. Eminem exists as one of the few forces in pop music that doesn't get immediately cast aside by critics and yet can pander so easily to the short attention span demographic upon which MTV depends. If Slim was in on the whole deal, he needs to drop rapping (after the less than mediocre comeback of "Relapse") and jump back into acting whole-heartedly.

While Eminem at once seemed infallible to both critics and fans alike, he lost a good bit of his edge around "Encore," either due to mounting drug problems, untreated psychological issues, or a simple lack of need to vent. Sure, he's poked fun at more than his fare share of real people (mostly tabloid celebrities and family members), but a broad search of "Eminem" and "sexual assault" will only turn up lyrics, not youtube footage of Slim bare-assedly lapdancing an unwilling victim's face. Sacha Baron Cohen took the comedic world by storm through his Andy Kaufman-esque "all the world's a stage" characters of Ali G, Borat, and the now-unnecessarily famous Bruno. While his comedy may rouse critical calls of "innovative" and "brilliant," it generally comes by way of a mean-sprited, catch-em-in-the-act ruse exploiting the flaws of all Americans. Eminem has received many a call of "can dish it but can't take it," but Sunday's stunt was not the time to force Slim to face his come-uppins. Eminem now exists (supposedly) as a product of rehab, a man struggling with demons and trying (at least for himself and his daughter) to make some form of amends with his self-destructive past.

Either one of two outcomes will most likely result from the 2009 MTV Movie Awards and their flying assfaced homophobic brouhaha - Slim's going to come back against Bruno, starting with the obligatory diss-rap and escalating to an ongoing feud, either leading back to drug abuse or physical retaliation. On the other hand, we may just have lost public appearance from Eminem for good, and America will stand behind the supposed victor, a man who, had been anyone other than Cohen and targeting anyone other than Eminem, would be staring down charges of sexual assault and public lewdness.

Watching the whole thing made me uncomfortable, plain and simple.

Troubled Times

2009-04-22T19:48:00.004-04:00

So, this week marked every stoner's favorite day in April, along with the release of "Asleep in the Bread Aisle" from America's newest thief of black music, Asher Roth. I've listened to what I can...and let's just cut right to it. We don't need this. We, as the listeners of music, be it shuffling through our iTards or forced on us in between advertisements for Extenze and Payday Loans, do not need to hear anything as good as what you can offer (Lark in my Go Kart) or as annoying (I Love College). Check out the samples on Amazon, hit up the "Greenhouse Effect" mixtape, or torrent the new release...it's all pretty much the same. Be sure to go out and read a bunch of interviews where Asher says "I'm not trying to sound like Em" and "I rep the suburbs" and then listen to how he COMPLETELY BITES Eminem's vocal sound and you'll want to do some drive-by ass-whoopins in your local subdivisions. Once you get done, go pick up the more aspiring sets from The Knux, K'naan, or the newest DOOM, and wash that stupid blunt-cruisin crap out of your ears. Hit up Weiss or Pitchfork for a calmer, better worded and more responsive review.

If this torture wasn't enough, I watched "Wanted" this weekend. I'll save you the trouble, here's the only worthwhile clip:

Popcorn Playas

2009-03-25T19:39:00.003-04:00

Blackout 2 scheduled to drop April 28th? That's what the latest news is...and really, that's a team-up I can always enjoy. Rarely will I skip over a Meth and/or Red track. Muddy Waters could very well be my favorite late-90s diamond-in-the-rough type album. This dynamic duo's first outing, "How High" from the soundtrack to The Show, is probably the only reason I kept the album, not to mention the driving force behind it's heavy rotation many a Saturday night in my formative high school years. Weiss has a some linkage to their new track, "City Lights," which really just makes me want to pack a bowl and hit the streets. Immature? Yes, but I'm harkening back to my teenage self. Check out Meth & Red, dressed as Beavis & Butthead. High-larious.

Funniest Thing I've Seen in a Long Time

2009-03-01T13:29:00.002-05:00

and...

Sheer Brilliance.

Brand Loyalty

2009-02-15T11:58:00.003-05:00

According to hiphopDX, Kid Cudi was tasered and arrested at the NBA All-Star Weekend event in Cleveland. Early word is Cudi was scheduled to perform at a party hosted by Reebok, and a fight broke out because Cudi wanted to wear his Air Jordans, threatening to stomp a Nike swoosh all over Reebok's stage. Obviously, this disagreement was worth a fight erupting between Cudi's crew and promoters.

If I were Nike, I'd be all over this promotion. Cudi took 20,000 volts in support of brand loyalty.

Please proceed in "don't tase me bro" jokes.

It Was All a Dream

2009-01-27T19:48:00.003-05:00

So, a couple weeks ago, the biopic "Notorious" hit theaters. Mixed reviews abound, I haven't seen it yet (don't get to most movies until it's DVD time) but intend to, mostly because I find the story incredibly fascinating. People Magazine recently revisited it, with interviews with Momma Smalls and NYPD's Derrick Parker. It's worth a skim, but I'm more partial to an in-depth story done in an early millenium issue of Rolling Stone by Randall Sullivan. The story begins with a so-unbelievable-it-can't-be-real shootout between two LAPD cops, Frank Lyga and Kevin Gaines, and continues through the eyes of lead investigator Russell Poole, who eventually worked on and was shut out from both the Biggie and Tupac murders. The Notorious B.I.G story was optioned for a film not too long after this surfaced in 01, and I always envisioned the movie being told from this aspect. From what I've read it's not, which I'm sure is largely due to Puff Doodle Cheez's influence in the producer role. Either way, the 12 year anniversary of this tragic loss to hip-hop approaches us in early March.

Elsewhere, Lil Wayne leaked the first track from his upcoming rock album. I'm always up for some new Weezy, and I haven't made up my mind about this, but I'm sure once pop radio gets the refined album cut, it'll have the girls rockin out of their hopples. Listen for yourself.

Cover

2008-11-23T20:32:00.006-05:00

It's said that The Roots are retiring from the road to be the backing band on "Late Night" when Conan gives up the seat to Jimmy Fallon. I'm not sure why Jimmy Fallon has to be involved in this...I guess "Late Night" is switching to a more impression-based format. Maybe they'll have a tribute to Rich Little on every night. So, barring any future bus accidents, if you get a chance, catch ?uestlove, Black Thought, Tuba Gooding Jr, and the rest of the P5D when you can. I've seen them twice, and they put on an all out jamfest. Plus, you might get treated to a rarity like this:

Cee-Lo should cover everything. I want an album of him, ?uestlove, and Jack White belting out covers.

Word to ya Mutha

2008-11-17T23:03:00.005-05:00

So last night I watched "Entourage," turned off my TV and went to bed. Came home from work today, turned the TV back on, it was still on HBO from the night before, and playing "Cool As Ice." That's unfuckingbelievable.

I thought this was a holiday...

2008-11-04T16:09:00.003-05:00

(above: Obama and The Cool Kids)

I don't floss as hard, but I hope Chuck & Mikey would think I do. An unbelievable amount of people asked me if today was a Federal Holiday or Bank Holiday. After standing in and reading about ridiculous lines to make three choices on a paper ballot, I'm starting to think it should be. Either way, I'm just glad they let me vote this year, so I can bitch and moan like the rest of America for the next 4 years. Seriously though, at my precinct, you filled out a ballot with a BIC pen. In a high-school cafeteria no less. For a minute, I thought I was voting for Class President. What fucking country is this?

In other news, my new music crush is on Jenny Lewis:

(props to dhh for the link)

You Can Parody Whatever You Like

2008-11-02T07:48:00.002-05:00

I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a fan of Weird Al. I am slightly ashamed to admit the amount of time I've spent watching his videos online. But if not for that, I wouldn't have found this little gem. Al has parodied T.I.'s Whatever You Like and made it all about our failing economy. Now this pops into my head every time I take my wife to Target. "Oh look there's the dollar bin...baby you can have whatever you liiiiike."

On a side note, Eminem released a track (freestyle, I guess) to get the internet all worked up about his new album "Relapse," due out sometime after Chinese Democracy. Reminds me of the early Shady, I think we need him back. Listen here (courtesy of hiphopDX).

I know that's kind of old news, I'm still high off the Beastie Boys set. Or Halloween candy.

Get Out and Vote '08

2008-10-29T21:36:00.015-04:00

So I went to the Get Out and Vote '08 tour last night. For those not in a swing state, this is a concert tour hosted by the Beastie Boys featuring various acts, all encouraging people to register to vote. They claim it's for either side, but I'm pretty sure there weren't ANY McCain/Palin supporters on stage. Not to mention I heard Obama's name half a dozen times (as Mike D would say..."noyce") throughout the politically charged sidebars. The show in my town had NY's own, along with Sheryl Crow, Jack Johnson, Norah Jones, and Santogold. Here's how the show went along:

Santogold put on a good set, considering people were barely in the place as she was playing. Basically her with two dancers and a DJ, she did a solid showing of her current album.

Norah Jones...beautiful voice, total yawnfest, but that was expected. Also the prettiest group on stage, she and her backing band were some lovely ladies. They covered one of my favorite Wilco songs, "Jesus Don't Cry," along with Johnny Cash's "Cry Cry Cry," which proved more entertaining than her own songs, largely due to the tempo. Plus, they seemed real irritated because one of the backups couldn't get her banjo in synch with the house audio.

Jack Johnson...I've got nothing against the guy, I'm just not in the fan club. There were a fair amount of people there just to see him, evidenced by the number that left after his set (mindblowing, the Beasties were closing!!). His "fans" are such a joke...j-crew hippies (half of which are closet card-carrying young Republicans) sporting their latest faux-vintage gear and blazin up j's all over (nothing against the practice, believe me, just not in a non-ventilated, closed, non-smoking coliseum where others might not want to be involuntarily shotgunned with your skunk). Just picture your average annoying, short-n-chubby girl flailing arms wildly (supposedly dancing) and throwing her half-stoned ass into any guy (or girl) that might give her some attention. I guess every 17 year old gets to be a moron once. He played his well-knowns, and a Jimmy Buffet cover. Yay.

Sheryl Crow (see above, but add the deafening sonic assault of a well-mic'ed band playing for the halftime show at the Super Bowl).

The Beastie Boys closed, and close they did. It was obvious that the majority of the crowd was simply waiting out the other acts to see Adam, Adam and Mike. They lived up to everything I thought their live show would be, minus instruments (so no Sabotage). Those guys might have lost some fans with "To the 5 Boroughs" but they've still got every bit of fun and energy for a live performance they had in their 20s. Played all my favorites, and Mix Master Mike was cra-azy on the tables (including a wicked party happy version of "Tom Sawyer"). Solid set, and gave the crowd what they wanted to see. Thank you guys, for picking Richmond on your impromptu tour.

Here's some pics:

Santogold

Norah Jones

Jack Johnson & Norah Jones

Sheryl Crow

Mike D

Mike D & MCA

Beastie Boys

Real Muthaph*kkin G's

2008-10-15T19:06:00.004-04:00

So there's this commercial I keep seeing for the new Saints Row 2 video game, and it has one of the best Eazy-E songs in the background. If anyone ever said nothing good came from rap feuds, they never heard a single track off of It's On (Dr. Dre) 187um Killa, Eazy's diss-album reply to Dre's "Fuck wit Dre Day." I love the album, start to finish, but this track in particular is one of my favorite in the early 90's gangsta genre. I can't say much more than if you don't already have it, pick it up.

Here's the "Saints Row 2" trailer, just so you can see how bad-ass it is:

Weekend Wrap

2008-09-21T11:38:00.005-04:00

So, a good relaxing weekend enhanced by a Hokies victory (though a scary one) and Oktoberfest (giggidy).

I've rediscovered a new interest in "The Boondocks," catching a few reruns on the rare chance [adultswim] isn't running the same episode of Robot Chicken for the 48th time or a marathon of Peter Griffin's best fart moments. My campus newspaper used to run that comic, which I enjoyed before the show aired, so I had looked forward to the cartoon upon announcement. Pretty funny, pretty intelligent...I'm probably a fan of anything Aaron McGruder would produce now. Just saying the names "Flonomical" and "Thugnificent" makes me chuckle. And through time-wasting Google searches at work, I found that there are 3 really solid mixtapes based on the series. Volume One is available through myspace, and Volume Two appears courtesy of illroots.

Hip Hop Dock-trine (Official Boondocks Mixtape) - (download)

Hip Hop Dock-trine 2 (The Saga Continues) - (disc one) (disc two)

While you're at illroots, be sure to check out "DOOMed," a pretty sweet mix of Metal Fingers that includes the Villan himself rhyming over M.I.A's "Paper Planes." Of course, DOOM could rhyme overtop of someone dumping out a bag of aluminum cans and it would sound sweet with that interlaced rhyme scheme, mouth full of cookies flow.

Shhhhh

2008-09-14T14:25:00.004-04:00

I don't get out to the theater much unless I'm rolling on some free passes, but out and about with friends Saturday night brought me to "Burn After Reading," the latest comedy piece from the Cohen Brothers. After throwing down about 35 of my hard-earned bones on tix, drinks and an unnecessarily deep busket of popcorn, we climbed the stairs of one of the smaller screening rooms and rested 1 row below the top for a better viewing angle. The movie was okay, I'd push for about a 6/10 based on post-drink consensus. It's no Lebowski or O Brother, but it's definitely got some hilarious moments, drawn out with a lot of steady-cam dialogue free sequences.

What completely marred my experience was the utter lack of courtesy and consideration from those around me. Over both my left and right shoulders were two groups of high school kids who didn't shut up throughout the entire movie. Immediately to my left was some greaseball who had to keep asking plot point explanations from his skank girlfriend because he couldn't stop texting long enough to catch the story. Somewhere in our quadrant of the stadium seating, some jackass kept typing on his phone and didn't have the f*cking key-tone turned off. What kind of f*cktard actually enjoys hearing a *beep* every time they touch a f*cking key on their phone? Is this how we watch movies now? Wasn't there a time when people actually cared about what they just payed $20 to see? Thanks for the heightened audeince regulation Regal. All that loot for a show and you can't pay someone to drag these babies out when they get too fussy?

Happy Birthday

2008-09-08T22:10:00.002-04:00

Last night, anyone watching MTV suffered through the 25th Annual Video Music Awards. In recent years, these inflated-egofests have grown increasingly beyond atrocious. This year, they completely outdid themselves.

A few questions, from start to finish: Was there no script? Did Russell Brand just show up and the producers say "Hey, just go with whatever?" Why couldn't Jaime Foxx stand still, much less stop doing a Busta impression? What was the deal with the performances on back lot sets that all looked like bad high school musicals? What teenage boy in their right mind wears a promise ring? Who were these grown men flocking to the Jonas Brothers? Why was Weezy's lack of performance the best of the night? How hilarious was it to see Slash laughing at Linkin Park on national television? How out-of-place did Slash look? Why wasn't Lupe Fiasco given the main stage? Have the producers not seen or heard of any Fiasco performances on the summer festival tour? How horrible was that Kid Rock performance? How blown out of proportion was that Kanye set? Didn't that song pretty much suck? Did his backup include the world's most famous bucket drummers? When will MTV stop embarassing itself and just focus on reality TV rich kids?

Unbiased Media Coverage

2008-09-06T16:57:00.003-04:00

To take a break from hip-hop vids of yesteryear, here's a clip of Jon Stewart doing what he does best, bashing media. I love anytime anyone goes after FOX News.

Don't ask me to collab, me and you don't mesh

2008-09-04T20:23:00.006-04:00

Ye ol posse rap remix. I remember the pre-internet/pre-youtube days when you couldn't find the remix as soon as it dropped. You heard it on the radio only late Friday nights, saw a video on MTV (that's dating myself), or came across it at your non-chain record shop. A friend's brother left a tape while he was home from college, you dubbed it and wore it out. Weiss has a good piece on "Swagger," the latest posse cut blasting through your 5 o'clock playlist. These four clowns have pretty much become out-of-touch with guys like me (skinny jeans?), so I only really dig on their older jams. But it reminds me of one of my favorite posse remixes ever.

I still get a little amped when this pops up on the shuffle, even if it Sean brings it in. Even that part gets me because of that Chappelle skit. This track really introduced me to Biggie (I'm pretty sure it got airplay a few months before "ready to die" came out) and is probably Busta's second best verse ever recorded. I think there's even a split-second shot of Doodlebug.

You got your Peanut Butter in my Chocolate...

2008-08-31T10:09:00.003-04:00

The local modern rock corpo-station has been playing a 90's playlist this weekend, aptly titled "Smells like the 90's;" because, what more reminds anyone of the 90's than a reference to that deodorant phenomenon? So in the spirit of my 90's rap kick and the X's 90's rock weekend:

Ahh, the rap/rock crossover. Most hiphophistorians would claim the joining of Run-DMC and Aerosmith on "Walk this Way" to be the catalyst for two facets of music combining, enlightening fans and critics, and exposing more ears and opening more eyes and merging tastes. Subsequently, Limp Bizkit would be the downfall of this potentially beautiful friendship, and those of us whose collegiate years encompassed the dawn of a millenium would have to suffer hordes of douchebags packing our favorite bars and blasting pure incomprehensible garbage. Somewhere in the middle of that ride came a pretty decent collab of rap and rock for the soundtrack to a mediocre movie starring Academy Award winning actor Cuba Gooding Jr. Helmet makes House of Pain sound pretty raw and hardcore, Faith No More gives the Boo-Yaa TRIBE some pretty scary backing, Cypress Hill and Sonic Youth shared an ounce or two...and De La and Teenage Fanclub created this little gem.

Tounge Tied

2008-08-28T20:39:00.004-04:00

Moving right along with the 90's, here's a track to bump in your rides or at your Labor Day cookout. Most people know Das EFX best for the backing chorus on the remix (or more popular version) of Ice Cube's "Check Yo Self." I know them for penning a track that I wore out as a cassingle, trying to get down all of the words and impress my friends on the basketball court in early middle school. "They Want Efx" is one of my favorite early 90's jams, particularly the remixed version.

Just listen to that bass line! Songs like this make you want to drive around with your friends, windows down and cruising a local strip on a Friday night looking for "something to do." Ahh, the days of gas-wasteful American attitude and teenage irresponsibility. On a side note, one of my favorite parts is where Skoob works "pretty sneaky sis" into one of the lines. I hated that game.

Reunited

2008-08-27T17:46:00.002-04:00

Early 90's rap has been the soundtrack to this week, so I'll keep yammering on about my favs. A Tribe Called Quest reunited this year for the Rock the Bells tour, and damn if I'd like to partake. I'd even risk crossing paths with a Doombot. Those lineups always make me wish I lived in NY or LA or another comparable city so I could catch shows like that. Of course I'd probably go broke doing it, but it would have coasted me through my 20's with a slight more joy of reminiscence than seeing oddly themed cover bands.

I got to see Tribe live my freshman year, and it was one of my favorite concerts. Q-Tip and Fife totally command the stage, fully entertain, and put on a solid show. Live hip-hop and rap is so risky - either it's a total "let your boys have the stage" night where the real act barely performs, or they show up late and in small numbers. Tribe was different; they seemed as if they were grateful to have such a turnout and showed that gratitude by putting on a killer set. Recently, a long forgotten remix of "Scenario" has resurfaced, with De La and Lawnge from Black Sheep joining Tribe and LONS on a version that sounds as if it were played through a funhouse mirror. The album cut will always be my favorite, but this version's pretty dope and stoopid and poppin fresh. I'm just glad they've patched things up and potentially heading back to the studio. Now if we can just get Dig-Plans to venture out of Cali, our kids might be in good hands.

Kickin it Old Skool

2008-08-25T22:34:00.001-04:00

So I've been doing a lot of iPod reorganizing as of late, and I'm either reminiscent for youth or developing a new appreciation for some already admired classics from the crates of early 90's rap and hip-hop. We'll start the week off with Black Moon.

Buckshot's a highly underrated emcee, most notably shown throughout their debut album "Enta Da Stage." Not that he doesn't get much deserved respect, but his name isn't as household as others of his time (Q-Tip, Eric Sermon, etc). These guys suffered the unfortunate fate of being any rap act other than the Wu-Tang Clan during 1993. Had "Enter the 36 Chambers" not dropped right at the same time as Black Moon's first foray, we might have heard a lot more from Buckshot & Co. Just as well, they remain as concise and smooth as ever, and run a pretty strong spot in the indie-rap world. As of late, they've ended up on their own label, and seem to be picking up a string of solid acts to boot. The stuff Buckshot's done with 9th Wonder is a definite addition to any mix, and "Who Got Da Props" (as seen above) is a tried and true classic.

Asian Flu

2008-08-18T21:43:00.000-04:00

So, I tried to avoid it, but like most Americans I'm caught up in Olympic hype. Here's my thoughts so far:

Currently I'm watching women's beach volleyball. Call me childish, but I think it's hilarious that the Brazilian team's bikini tops say "BRA 1" and "BRA 2."

Does anyone else hate when they cut back to Bob Costas? I mean, unless Bela Karolyi is hating on the Chinese, of course. I've never seen anyone so into gymnastics. Pure hilarity.

Most all boxers besides American boxers are pansies (and completely boring).

This year we say goodbye to women's softball (oh...Jennie Finch will definitely be missed), yet we keep speed walking and men's field hockey. WTF?

R.I.P (part 2)

2008-08-10T21:56:00.001-04:00

R.I.P

2008-08-10T14:54:00.001-04:00

Wednesday morning repulsion

2008-08-06T09:52:00.000-04:00

No real news or anything, but I LOATHE the smell of ketchup (catsup) in the morning. If I were hungover right now, I'd probably yak right in my trashcan, having to suffer this wave of ketchup covered breakfast wafting across the office floor. That type of thing should be outlawed.

The More Talented One

2008-07-28T12:49:00.000-04:00

Just following up on "Dark Knight" reports, critics and journalists are missing the most important aspect of this movie...Eric Roberts. That guy is freakin everywhere!

And where, and where, and where...

2008-07-27T14:39:00.000-04:00

I went to see The Dark Knight this week. I really enjoyed the film, and it's probably the best directed "super-hero" movie to date, most notably because it doesn't feel like a super-hero movie at all. It plays out more like an American crime-drama, which seems to fit the Batman franchise a bit better than all the costumery and theatrics of past interpretations (though I'll always enjoy Burton's first Batman). Unless you've been living in a hole for the past few months, you've heard a billion voices of praise for Heath Ledger's Joker characterization, and his performance fully lives up to it. The very first scene in which he appears in full costume, Ledger leaps off the screen and grabs the audience, fully stealing the show from some other great performances (Christian Bale and Gary Oldman are both great). It truly is a shame that no more of that talent will dazzle on screen again.

I'm the best!

2008-07-21T13:17:00.000-04:00

Nothing has ever been a more enjoyable time-killer for me than Mario Kart. Many a hour was poured into race after race during my collegiate years (probably paving the way to my employment status in the future). Thanks to the Wii, my addiction has resurfaced. As much as I love the game, something just doesn't sit well with me. I couldn't quite figure out what it was until I heard two people give thoughts on the game. One, my friend playing with me as we raced online and repeatedly lost, said "these people we're losing to probably can't even drive a real car." The other, a co-worker, who said "oh yeah, my 5 year old loves that game."

Yikes.

Looking out my Window

2008-07-18T08:01:00.003-04:00

I saw two of the stranger things on my usual route to work this morning:

1) A chicken walking down the side of road. I should've stopped to ask why she was there. There were no other chickens around, dead or alive, and she was well away from the road so as not to get hit.

2) A window sticker in a passing car that read "The University of Maryland University College." What?

Dudes that look like Chicks

2008-07-16T13:19:00.000-04:00

For the past three days, I've had Nelson's "(Can't Live without Your) Love and Affection" stuck in my head. I have no idea where I picked it up, but that might just be the gayest song ever. I blame 98.9 Liberty, because they play that shit, and this city loves that station. The worst part is that I don't know any lyrics past the opening two lines, and then the beginning of the chorus. I can't even remember the general tune of the song! Join me on my descent into maddness!!!

Mid-summer's Blues

2008-07-11T08:44:00.000-04:00

I've spent too much of my net time lately scouring the World-Wide-Winternet for good mobile sites to store in my phone. If anyone knows of any, please send them my way (especially por...I mean mp...I mean news...yeah, news).

Also spent a good a good deal of time with the wii. I traded in some ps2 games so I could get Mario Kart. Gamestop doesn't have Mario Kart. Neither does anyone else...apparently there is a massive shortage of one of the best franchised multiplayer games ever in the middle of the slowest selling part of the year. Way to go on the production prep Nintendo. Now I'm stuck getting my ass repeatedly handed to me by Tiger Woods.

Who wants to go with me to see Hellboy II?

Online-journaling on the Go

2008-07-02T13:45:00.000-04:00

I now have the internet in my pocket, so this is just as test of my mobility.

Ooo-ooh that smell

2008-06-26T21:19:00.000-04:00

I'm currently engrossed in a rousing game of "what's that smell" in my house, which has been thoroughly cleaned twice in the past two weeks due to company. So the pad is cleaner than usual, yet I can't trace this faint odor. Maybe I'm just losing my mind with the onset of old age.

Yes, I turn another decade older on Sunday. Just don't call me Timothy Busfield.

Jeff Weiss recently put up an article in LA Weekly about how Dilla's estate has been loosing gobs of dough fighting piracy and theft of Jay's final work. Now, normally I wouldn't take a stand on either side of a hip-hop argument, simply because its a typically a losing situation. Sure, I miss the fallen MCs, and I hate to see when my favorite-rapper-of-the-moment falls into some wacky legal misfortune not uncommon to the suddenly rich, thus delaying the drop of their next album; but, that's arguably the most cutthroat of music genres considering it's populated with the most murders. But Dilla's a different situation altogether, ascending levels of sampling and mixing that truly no deejay or producer had previously attained, and creating a wave of new breed deejays, combining crate digging with gigantor hard drives and sniper like sample cutting. You can read Weiss's generously detailed bio portion of the article, or you can pick up Dilla's opus "Donuts," which I listened to for about 2 months straight. But, back to the issue, what the hell hip-hop? Your really biting Dilla's final work, those last brushes of genius drawn literally on his deathbed? Do you have no soul? Was giving us Soulja Boy, Hurricane Chris, J-Kwon, etc not enough pain to inflict? You really have to dig and dig at this fallen star and keep adding to Ma Dukes' financial burden? Heartbreaking, hip-hop...heartbreaking...

D-O-Double what the f---?

2008-06-22T01:09:00.000-04:00

I never thought I would say this, but Snoop has officially smoked too much weed.

Editorial assistance needed

2008-06-20T07:11:00.000-04:00

I interviewed twice for an editorial position at the Richmond Times-Dispatch, both were big fat "we'll be in touch" -es. Obviously, they have a crack team combing through their pieces, indicative here:

Jamie Lynn Spears gives birth to girl

Read the third paragraph carefully. Blammo.

I pay my dues, you keep the difference.

2008-06-12T21:37:00.000-04:00

Finally got to give Tha Carter III a couple of listen-throughs. It totally lives up to the hype. I didn't expect it to be the greatest rap album ever, but it's exactly the wake-up six-pack of Jolt Cola and jumbo Fudge Round the rap genre, much less the music industry needs. Weezy let loose a flood of mixtapes, and they had some good cuts that probably could've repalced a few tracks on TC3 (for example the track destroyed by Busta Rhymes' washed-up novelty shoutflow), which is probably my only real criticism. Still digging on "Mr. Carter," but I'm also getting real partial to the more professional "Dr. Carter," and "Playing with Fire" is creepy cool. Either way, I'll be bumping this all summer. As should you.

Only talk to models, Yeah I get my Seal on...

2008-06-11T22:31:00.000-04:00

I've been trying hella hard to listen to Tha Carter III, this year's most anticipated album ever. It's just not happening. I remember getting my hands on an album when I was 10 or so years younger...I'd play the shizz out of it. In my car, in my house, in my headphones...I could nail down some lyrics and beats within a couple days. Then I'd find my jam, like I had hoped to find off Weezy's new joint. Right now it's looking like "Mr. Carter," but I think that's because it holds the 2nd position on the track list. No discredit to Weezy and Jigga's duet, but I just haven't even gotten past its successor. I take my iTard to work every day, in hopes of listening during lunch. It's just not happening. What the f?

Hot like June

2008-06-08T18:30:00.001-04:00

Man, it is gnf'n hot outside! I was involved in a wedding this weekend, and have done my fair share of sweating. Standing in a field at 5:00pm in a tuxedo on one of the hottest days of the year with not a cloud in sight really makes you appreciate things like air conditioning, refridgerators, water, shorts, flip flops and friends that are already married. But, I guess in the end it's worth it to see the newly wed couple, the family and friends, and of course a bar stocked with Blue Moon.

What's the Deal?

2008-06-04T20:43:00.000-04:00

If you're not into the mixtape phenomenon that has made Lil Wayne a superstar, then a new face may reel you in. DC's own Wale (wah-lay) has set loose "The Mixtape About Nothing," showcasing his smooth flow and his Seinfeld fandom. Worth a listen, if not for the flow, at least to hear Julia Louis-Dreyfuss drop some m'fers.

I can't remember how the Contra theme song goes, but my wife says it was "driven."

Last Night of Freedom

2008-06-01T14:05:00.000-04:00

Still recovering from a bachelor party Friday night. I haven't been to one in a while, but it's always a weird mix of refreshing entertainment and disturbing awkwardness. The planner had rented a limo for the evening, so people on the street thought we were important. The inside of the limo looked like it was decorated by the guy who decorates strip clubs, so it helped the transition when we got to our destination. At one point in the evening, our driver left us and we had to call him to return. I guess that shows the level of importance of your passengers...if we were Vinny Chase, Driver Curtis wouldn't have gone anywhere. We got to see Katie Morgan at the club, which was probably the first time I've seen a "professional." The only real difference between her and the staff was speed and leeway. She seemed to get away with a lot more, and moved a lot quicker.

Watched the inaugural EliteXC: Primetime on CBS. I really just wanted to see Kimbo Slice, but found the whole show pretty entertaining, until Kimbo busted open James Thompson's gigantic ear-hematoma. That might be the grossest thing I've ever seen in a fighting ring. Still entertaining though...nice way to tack on testosterone after a bachelor party.

Woo-Hoo, 3-Day weekend!!!

2008-05-24T16:37:00.000-04:00

So thanks to the filters at g vs b, I'm all wanting to listen to some King Khan and The Shrines. Those guys don't stop the rockin!

Looking forward to a slow weekend and a drunken cookout Monday. I think there should be a federally mandated 3-day weekend every month. Would it hurt? Not at all. Just think if that stretch from Presidents' Day to Memorial Day could be shaken up with a 3-day. Why not make St. Patrick's Day a federally recognized holiday? Or Earth Day? Can I get a Good Friday? What's up, people who make calendars?

I watched Sweeney Todd this weekend. I think that whole movie could have been condensed to about 30 minutes and I would have enjoyed it much more. Nothing against musicals, they're just boring, even if they're coated with blood and cannibalism. I think I'm going to start watching silent movies.

Cover Your Heart!

2008-05-21T22:35:00.000-04:00

Went to the new Indiana Jones movie, and I wasn't disappointed. I had a recent discussion about the previous trilogy, where I realized that Temple of Doom is probably my least favorite of the three. I still find it entertaining, but it's just a bit hokey and childish compared to the other two. Plus, the others seem to be moderately researched in their subject matter...relgion/history/science all blending together. Temple, however, has bats flying en masse during the day, Hindus practicing voodoo, and Dan Akroyd. The ridiculous makes it somewhat seperate from the other two. Same goes for the new Crystal Skull installment. It's good, but I would say its comparable to Temple as far as the group goes. At least it didn't become the craptacular suckfest that I had expected. And Harrison Ford moves pretty good for a 65 year old man.

So David Cook is our new American Idol. Poor guy, he's got too much talent to be buried by that productionally challenged ogre. Now I don't know what to do with my Tuesday and Wednesday nights.

You Call This Archeology?

2008-05-18T15:01:00.001-04:00

My special lady won tickets to see a premier of the new Indiana Jones movie on Tuesday night, so I'll get a first-hand look at 66 year old Harrison Ford doing something besides wanting his family back. At least they got Shia LeBeouf to play a grown-up Short Round.

While touring the city to show some out-of-towners the places we have to live in the RIC, I picked up some new rhymes from The Roots and my favorite named rapper Guilty Simpson. The Roots were my first introduction to indie-rap, so I continue to follow the discography through thick and thin. The newest offering certainly does not disappoint. I haven't gotten a chance to thoroughly listen to the entire album on the whole, but Black Thought seems a lot angrier in his words. I think if you start in the game with a message, and try to reach people through your work, and then 10-15 years later see that things are only getting worse than they were during your freshmanhood, you get pretty bitter in your prime. Luckily Guilty's not that optimistic, he's just a straight thug with killer flow.

Gimmie Gimmie

2008-05-13T22:10:00.000-04:00

So thanks to the recent onslaught of commercials and ridiculous wang-sucking reviews, I'm salivating for a new console so I can play some GTA IV. And that's all I can think about. I thought I could stave off, even after playing/watching Army of Two, Dead Rising, Portal and BioShock. But those jerks at Rockstar have done it again. I scoff at my ps2 anymore. Piece of crap.

What the crap is going on in Cleveland?

Just got done watching Idol tonight. I think it's a clear shot for David Cook to win. I also think I need to find something better to do on Tuesday and Wednesday nights.

Can someone please start making jokes about giving this guy a cheeseburger?

Vacation's Over

2008-05-06T19:51:00.000-04:00

Well, I have officially returned from the Wachovia Championship, well relaxed and sporting a sweet sunglasses tan on my face. Spent parts of each day following certain golfers or watching certain groups play a single hole. Boo Weekley is now my favorite golfer, and Camilo Villegas has my favorite gallery (giggidy). All in all, a good week and good weather for catching some guys getting paid to play a game that frustrates and captivates millions.

Are you looking to expand your collection of gay t-shirts? Look no further. Click here. My personal favorite is the Fish Sandwich. And I learned a new term, which will probably be used in a drunken stupor next weekend.

Away

2008-04-27T21:39:00.000-04:00

I will be in Charlotte at the Wachovia Championship for the rest of the week. If you haven't heard, two time defending champ Tiger Woods will miss this year's tourney. He says knee surgery, I say he just a-heard me comin!

No news is good news

2008-04-22T19:34:00.001-04:00

So CNN.com has this feature on their page now where you can order a t-shirt with a headline emblazoned across the front. I'm not really sure what exactly the catch is, because most shirts will look like this. Then I think it's totally tasteless and depraved, because you could end up with a shirt like this. If these links don't work, just click on the t-shirt icon from their main page. Who orders these? I mean besides Anderson Cooper.

Family Food

2008-04-20T19:26:00.000-04:00

I watched "I Am Legend" this weekend, partly because I've been wanting to see it and partly because a friend of mine is in the movie. I thought it was pretty well done, they did a good job of keeping the story moving and not over explaining any of the details. There's a great scene in the beginning where Will Smith is driving a Ford Mustang at top speed throughout Times Square, whipping in and out of construction scaffolding, staircases, and abandoned cars. It made me load up some San Andreas and fly around San Fiero in a Banshee. I just had more pedestrians to deal with.

Also this weekend I had the fortunate privledge of attending three celebrations for an 80th birthday. It was a rib-roastin, pants-off rockin time. No joke.

laazy

2008-04-14T21:41:00.000-04:00

I haven't done much lately, but I did start going to a gym. What a bizarre place. I met with a trainer the first night, and he wanted to know what type of goal I had for myself. I really didn't know what to tell him. I just want to go and get myself into some type of shape so I don't end up like those people at Wal-Mart that push around shopping carts with oxygen tanks in the baby seat. I basically don't want a baby oxygen tank. That would be a weird trip to see Santa Claus at the mall. But anyway, I told him that I wanted to shed about 15 pounds and get into a regular cardio routine so I can start playing basketball again. Seems pretty easy to me. He was completely puzzled, like I was the most stupifying case of a fitness goal that ever set foot through those gym doors. He told me I probably wouldn't lose any weight by lifting, and he never once advised of any type of cardio exercises that I should work into a regular practice. Thanks, Gilad.

With the help of an equal fan, I cooked a big batch of mussels this weekend. 5 pounds to be exact, and they were f'n tasty. It seemed daunting at first, but we put most of them down. Just the perfect lead-in for some high school throwback entertainment.

Bre-Bre-Break It Down

2008-03-31T22:05:00.001-04:00

I'm not ashamed to admit, I have been a bit of a pro-wrestling fan in the past. I've gotten to see a lot of Wrestlemanias in my day. I saw almost everyone on VHS until I was in high school, then I started ordering them on PPV. Once I got to college, I met a resourceful young student who had come across a cable descrambler, and we watched EVERY event they had. Then I got bored with wrestling. Stone Cold left. The Rock left. Then this happened. Thanks, jabronies.

Jessica Simpson was hospitalized. Looks like her kidney was infected by demons.

I watched Serenity, MI: III, and Blades of Glory this weekend. All three were more entertaining than No Country for Old Men.

No Country for Me

2008-03-29T11:38:00.000-04:00

I watched "No Country for Old Men" last night. I had high hopes going in, which is always a bad sign for a first date with me and a movie.

To start, every critic nationwide has been having a joygasm over this flic. Don't believe me? Google "no country for old men review" and you'll probably find no more than 2 reputable critics that gave it a bad review. Now, I'm not one of those people who goes by star ratings and what critcs say about any form of entertainment. I think I've got a pretty keen eye for good movies, and the amount of wasted college education I spent in lit & film classes reassures my confidence that I can pick apart elements and styles and themes and whatever directors are trying to convey. But, I think if there's 100 people who have studied the same studies I've studied and read the same readings I've read, and 98 of them say a movie gets 9 thumbs up, there's not much reason I should feel any different.

Such is not the case. I can say what I enjoyed, which was the overall idea of evil being unstoppable and a necessary part of life. That's a realistic view that doesn't often get expressed without hiding deeply buried in some buckets-o-blood splatterfest hellbent on grossing people out of the theater. I also enjoyed the cinematography. What a perfect backdrop the barren and flat Texas landscape provides for a cat-and-mouse menage a trois between the film's major characters.

Joel and Ethan, I just didn't like it, and for that, I'm sorry. I feel I have to apologize because of how much I love "O Brother" and "Lebowski." I've also been pining to see this since I first heard "new film from the Coen brothers" booming out of my speakers. Overall, I just thought it was boring. Sure, Javier Bardem was the evil-personified "unstoppable force," but he didn't have any depth or flare to his homicidal persona. He just killed people. Yeah, there's one scene where he calls a guy "friendo" and two that death is preceded by sort of a catch-speech-phrase and a coin toss, but not enough to make me and my friends go around quoting it like Eziekel 25:17. I really don't want to go rehashing why I thought it was boring, I'll just end up singling out Josh Brolin or Tommy Lee Jones or different pivotal points in the movie and just repeat myself. I think it was just boring. Now I'm afraid to watch "There Will Be Blood." I've heard so many good things.

On a weird side note, anytime I'm writing a text message, my T9 thinks that when i type "by" I'm typing "Byzantine." How often does that enter an average text message?

Sending our Love Down a Well

2008-03-26T20:18:00.000-04:00

So today a little girl was rescued after somehow falling down a well and being trapped for 27 hours. I was stuck in an elevator for 45 minutes one day, so I kind of have an idea of how she felt. At least she was by herself and not standing next to 3 unshowered fat women. Watching this story over and over every 30 minutes on Headline News reminded me of probably the most famous kid-in-a-well story, Baby Jessica.

In 1987, not even two-years old Jessica McClure fell down a well in Texas. I remember the event vividly, oddly enough, not because I have a sister roughly the same age, but because it happened right around the opening night for the Toys R Us in my hometown. I remember standing in line with my parents waiting to get in and people discussing Jessica's rescue that had happened earlier that day. I think that night I bought a Boglin. That was 21 years ago, and even back then people would talk about the story or see it on the news and say "Who falls down a well these days" or "Who has an open well and lets their kids play around it these days." Apparently, in 21 years this story never made its way to India, as they've had 6 kids fall down wells in the past 2 years. Do they have the internet there? Or ABC TV Movies? That's a world without Beau Bridges, and that's not fit for me.

Check out the Wikipedia page on Jessica McClure, most notably the life directions of the two rescue workers. One suicide, one crazy rap sheet. What?

Lucy in the Sky with High Definition

2008-03-24T19:43:00.000-04:00

I watched "Across the Universe" this weekend. I had read and seen and heard a great deal about the film, and honestly had no idea that it was a musical. Almost everything I had seen or heard or read did not mention the word "musical" anywhere in the context. I remember seeing the trailer when I went to see the third Spider-Man, and I thought "wow, that looks like something that would look pretty sweet on a big screen." Visually, parts of the film are mind blowing, like the scene depicting one character's military enlistment accompanied by "I Want You (She's So Heavy)." Parts of the film are also really corny and cheesy, like most of the more upbeat songs that turn the movie into one of those "medly" moments from American Idol. Parts of the film have Salma Hayeck dressed as a naughty nurse. I enjoyed it, and would recommend it to others, if you like The Beatles. Or trippy digital-animation musicals. Or naughty nurses.

Giving Back

2008-03-20T22:36:00.000-04:00

Our neighborhood's recycling picks up every Wednesday. Feeling all bright-eyed and busy-tailed, I rushed outside at about 7:20 AM to set my tubs at the curb. One was full of cans and bottles, the other full of cardboard. The night before I had broken down all the cardboard and packed it together, really secure, and went to bed feeling great about myself and how I was helping our environment. As I drove off to work that morning, I kind of beamed back at the bins, as if to say "I'm one of those people now."

About 4:00 PM I received a text message from my wife reading "did u put something heavy on the recycling," to which I responded "no, why." She wrote back, "i'll let u come see."

There was cardboard all over my street. All of our recent purchases from Costco and the boxes they gave us to carry things. As I look out my window tonight, I can still see a Diet Pepsi box wrapped around my neighbor's tree, waiving back at me. My apologies, Gaia.

Yuck of the Irish

2008-03-18T22:05:00.001-04:00

I've been told I have Irish lineage. Then again, who doesn't anymore? So with my preconceived notion that I'm some part Irish, I always feel the need to gulp a few pints on St. Patrick's Day. Maybe it's just because I like beer, maybe it's because I can enjoy a frothy Irish stout any given time of day...I'm not really sure where my love for the holiday originates. Either way, I usually go an extra length to be at a bar/pub/ale house at some point on the 17th and down a few. More and more I've learned:

People use St. Patrick's Day as an excuse to be total jackasses.

Luckily, this was accompanied by girls with shamrocks on their boobs.

Facebore

2008-03-15T22:38:00.000-04:00

Social networking. I consider myself a vet when it comes to internet communication. My family purchased a household computer around 93, and with it came a trial subscription for AOL. That turned into a monthly bill and I spent many a late night chatting, IM-ing, and emailing at 14.4 kbps. Soon I was off to college and thrust into the glory of e-mail, AIM and ICQ. I could sit down at my computer, ready to churn out a 10-page comparison of Yojimbo and Darth Vader, and stay connected with friends old and new, high school chums and college classmates. I never lost touch with anyone, whether I wanted to or not.

Then I graduated, and networking evolved. During the two or so years after college I, along with most of my buddy list, found jobs that may have frowned upon running IMs or kept us away from computers entirely. Long gone are the days of simple e-mail and IM. New waves of "social networking," as dubbed by the media, rolled in one after another. Friendster, Myspace, Facebook, Twitter...all of this on top of mobile communication through texting and chirping. You either rode the wave of the future or stayed true to your old ways. All of the sudden, e-mails became too much work for certain friends. Others disappeared from your chat programs. Then, you fold and give way to a social networking site or two. Like me, you spent some good time decorating your page, whether it's tabled and homogonized like Facebook or looks like 1998 HTML-vomit like Myspace. You search for old friends, find new ones, add them all to your list, and viola...you're up with the times. You come home, day after day, checking your friends' updates and posting new and cool little widgets...and you slowly realize...the people you talk with on your social sites are the people you talk with every day regardless of internet access. Most of the other friends on your pages don't have time to sit and wait for all your crazy backgrounds and 3rd party links and gizmos to simply drop a line after they've already waited on the friends of higher priority (which is fine, there's nothing wrong with prioritzing friends, I'll fully admit that I do it).

My advice from all this: unless you're between the ages of 17-22 or are in the entertainment industry, don't even bother. Sure, it looks all cool and sexy, like smoking or strip clubs...but there's nothing but heartbreak and disappointment behind those bedroom eyes. You'll spend countless days logging in to your page, making sure everything you add says something about you, looking for acceptance from all of your friend requests. You'll reach out to old friends, but only hear from current ones, and after about a month and a half, you slide back into e-mailing and IM's with your usual suspects. The only real benefit from your remaining Myspace or Facebook page is that if you turn up missing or get involved in a hot political scandal, CNN and FOX News and MSNBC will have your page as the focal point of their daily broadcast for about a week. And your pictures will be scrolling by every 20 minutes.

So, like mom said, remember to wear clean underwear.

PSA

2008-03-12T21:31:00.000-04:00

A lot of blurry photos depict creatures that star in our favorite myths and legends, but I think this one should be taken seriously. Why does he walk sideways? What's with the hat? What the hell is going on here? Normally I don't take it too seriously when the Sun's reporting, but this was linked from FOX News, and I trust them like I trust the government.

Can you swing a sack of Doorknobs?

2008-03-11T22:42:00.000-04:00

What's going on with vigilante justice? When I was a kid, the vigilante term wasn't thrown around so loosely as it is today. Those who took the law into their own hands were either friendly neighborhood webslingers, millionaire orphans, or gun-wielding nutjobs on the subway. Nowadays, their dorks with too much time and money on their hands.

Look at this clown and his mobile super soaker. This goon rolls around a trash can full of icy water with a walkie-talkie and blasts bums and low-rent dope pushers. Way to go Barney Fife. Maybe your next bot can be a helicopter that drops water balloons on purse snatchers and speeding vechicles.

Then there's the web's latest auteur, rolling around town filming johns with hookers and broadcasting his findings on his website, aptly named JohnTV. This just gives us more internet video of ugly people. As if YouTube and ABC weren't bad enough, now we have JohnTV providing an on-foot mashup of COPS, Jerry Springer, and those HBO documentaries about the seedy underbelly of life.

Maybe if these guys wore masks, I'd be more supportive. Then I could put them on a lunchbox.

Tek Suhporte

2008-03-10T21:02:00.000-04:00

I bought this steaming piece of garbage this weekend so my wife could put mp3s from my computer on her phone as ringtones. Apparently, her LG Shine won't show up on the computer's bluetooth scan (weak) and this is the alternative. The card won't work at all. It shows in my multi-card reader but says it's "write protected," which makes sense, because that's the only thing anyone would want to do with it. I e-mailed their support as directed by the website, and no joke, this is their response:

"which micro sd card you have?
and have you install any update to the computers card reader that available?"

Thanks Hector. All of my problems will be solved with your broken english. To avoid this expected conversation, I had posed the issue to two tech-savvy amigos and scoured the web for any alternate advice. The sole shred of assistance that anyone could offer is "put a piece of tape over the locking mechanism, you might need two or three pieces."

I'm sorry, tape? What fucking year is it? To up the ante and quote one of my previously mentioned savvy sailors, "can you drill a hole in it and get 1200mb?" Retards. Yeah, I'll put tape over it right after I download some Microsoft Plus themes and check my AOL account. Keyword "blowme."

Poison Apple

2008-03-09T16:00:00.000-04:00

Ok, I've never been pro-mac or pro-anything else. I've used both to the extent that I'm not afraid of a new OS and therefore won't begin bashing anything I don't know. Like those people that sit in front of a mac and can't understand how to eject a disc and then start screaming "Macs suck, you suck, I hate me" and run off crying into the darkness. I own a Windows machine, and I also have two iPods in my home, so I'm no stranger to either. This weekend, one of my comrades became the proud owner of a macbook while another received an iPod touch from his special lady, and the latter already owns a macbook pro. This past summer, another of my friends bought an iPhone. So now I have a much larger apple-envy bug. I love my iPod, but I'm already wanting to replace it. My phone comes up for renewal, and I'm looking at iPhones, even though I know they suck. My computer has lasted for 7+ years, and I'm looking at macbooks. Here's the problem:

I don't want to spend the money.

I use my computer for e-mail, internet, and storing mp3s and pictures. That's it. I have all this ridiculous software that I don't use, and I really don't want to spend more money on a piece of machinery that allows me to do the exact same crap that I'm already doing with ease. It's like when you were a kid and you had a bike. It was good to you, it took you everywhere you wanted to go, and at one point it looked brand new and made all the other kids jealous. Then, 2 years later, you got tired of it simply because you had been looking at it for 2 years, and no matter how you tried to wash it or paint it or put Tony the Tiger reflectors in the spokes, it just looked like crap. Then later on you're migrating from riding a bike to driving a car, and you really don't want to get another bike because you know you'll never ride it, but some of your friends who are the same age have this kick-ass mountain bikes and they look really cool and you start thinking "I should buy one of those." Which leads to my next problem:

I can't let go of things that I want.

It's true. That's why I have so many jackets and pairs of shoes. That's why I bought 2 LCD TV's. That's why I'm so fixated on an xbox360 AND a wii. My obsession will get the better of me, and I'm certain that down the road, I'll be the proud owner of some other apple product.

Outside of my affluenza, I made this tasty pork tenderloin earlier this week, which has turned into an even better dish. Guess what I'm having for dinner tonight...

The Dirty Dozen

2008-03-06T21:35:00.000-05:00

My favorite karaoke night eliminated their last 4 before going one-at-a-time on us. I think the goal is to make the top 12, even if you're the next one voted after the touring group is decided. Beatbox McGee came back to perform on tonight's last double-diss show, proving to everyone why he didn't win last year. What a boring song! That guy wants to be JJ Tims so bad it's ridiculous. I feel like somewhere some mad scientist took JJ and Rahzel and spliced their dna to make this amazing beatboxing dance machine, and this is the leftover. What the hell was that suit made of...audio tape? What a clown!

So I lost out on the one acting gig I thought was a sure thing. I guess Gravy will do a better visual, but I really thought I had it locked.

ESPN finally quit their Brett Favre memorial and went back to reporting on the closeout of NCAA's regular b-ball season. Thanks for getting back to what matters, jerks.

How the hell old is Britney Spears? Why are her parents in so much control? Is she a Culkin?

R.I.P +12

2008-03-04T22:23:00.000-05:00

Today is a dark day in geek world, as it marks the passing of Gary Gygax, the brilliant brain behind Dungeons & Dragons. I'll admit, I never really got into RPG's unless they involved completing the tri-force, and I didn't really know who Gary Gygax was until that episode of Futurama. But if it weren't for Gary, we would never have had that sweet Saturday morning cartoon that was way too adult themed for our impressionable minds. We also would never have had this little gem of hilarity.

It's a sad day in jock world as well, as Brett Favre announced that he's finally hanging up the cleats. I'll have to take him out of my pre-season Fantasy Football draft pick list, if I actually played.

So check out that Public Enemy album ruling the shuffle. That's the longest title I've ever had to say. It's worth every word though. Too bad more rap artists can't make full albums as good as this one. Makes you wonder why Flav needs to do reality TV. Oh yeah, the paying public has no taste. Give it a purchase or a download or however you absorb music into your collection. It'll tide you over until Guilty Simpson's debut drops. I don't care what pitckfork says, that guy rules.

I'm going to miss Deron Washington next year. So will YouTube posters at Virginia Tech.

High Definition Addictivision

2008-03-02T21:59:00.000-05:00

My friend's special lady says I have a TV problem. Maybe so, because now the hooterbox needs a new home.

Just got back from some hilarious stand-up comedy. It was a showcase sponsored by Jameson, which seems like a great idea. So many comics dig inspiration from broken relationships, messy divorces, troubled childhoods...why not load them up with free whiskey and shove them out on stage. "Here you go boozy, booze it up and booze out your problems for our amusement." Makes for a good show though.

Mmm Mmm Gross

2008-02-27T20:15:00.000-05:00

So this girl that sits near me at work totally smells like soup. She eats soup like nobody's business, so early as 10AM, and smells like it all day. I'm not sure if I can ever eat soup again.

One of my cohorts has a brilliant offer to view your name in blog form. That's right, get the inside line and be one of the first to pay to see your name on a blog. Or you can blogsearch your name and find 300 pages that have your name somewhere. When I blogsearch, I only find foreign people, most of them photographers.

What's with this Doomsday movie? Can we get yet another story about some government experiment gone wrong and some city left behind and one more good-guy antihero that goes in to cleanup the bad and rescue the good? This is a Milla Jovovich away from being Resident Evil for crying out loud. At least it has Malcom McDowell and Bob Hoskins in to british it up a bit.

Modern Luxury

2008-02-25T21:09:00.000-05:00

What a weekend! Probably one of the best I've had in a good while. Food, folks, and fun. But not while driving...

Friday night, after I learned several steps of the Foxie to add to my repertoire, and after one too many manly stout beers at ye ol brewdoggery, I had to leave my car at a friends house. It ended up staying there the entire weekend, not exactly by choice, but I wasn't really going out of my way to retrieve my chariot of ire either. In all honesty, I was crossing my fingers and hoping to find a missing car upon my return. Thanks for not stealing my car, Cap City Hoods. I really didn't want to report that to insurance and receive a compensation check. I appreciate you not helping our fair city live up to its reputation.

Speaking of, crime is on a rampant spree this month. Between bank robberies, copper theft, and strip club raids, we're making quite the name for ourselves.

Upstairs ruling the shuffle is the Conquest EP by everyone's favorite pale & pasty kids, The White Stripes. To start, this little exclusive has their screamy cover of "Conquest" from the Icky Thump album, which as far as covers go stands alone worthy of rotation. Following this little Patti Page tribute are three songs recorded in Beck's living room. Wait...what? So Jack told Meg to show up at Beck's house and be ready to bash out some drums when he's ready for her, and Beck just has some recording equipment lying around, ready for his pals The White Stripes to stop by and lay down some jams? Pish posh! I've always pictured Beck's living room to be stacked with retro robots, all performing some type of menial task at his command. You know, no one really knows what happened to Soundwave since he was raped and bastardized into a no-named character in the current movie. He must be propped up next to Beck's fireplace, ready to record all the spur-of-the-moment jam sessions. The disc ends with a mariachi version of "Conquest," which is probably how all singles and EP's should end.

Oh, and I also got a Sham-Wow. You know, because of the Germans...

How low can you go?

2008-02-20T19:16:00.000-05:00

What a disappointment on AI last night! It's a shame that the best performance comes from the total poser of the group, the one they consistently refer to as "a rocker." And why did the only black guy have to be a back-talking jerkface with a retarded lesiure suit?

Remember in middle-school (well, at least it was middle-school for me) when guys started loading their cars with giant subwoofers and amps and proceeded to drive around with mirror shaking, bowel evacuating, migraine inducing bass? Well, those guys live at the end of my street and apparently just got a new car. So now they like to pop the trunk and play basketball while their Christmas gift pumps out monotonous, droning beats from whatever hyphy, clipse, crunk, or hip-pop garbage their into. Too bad those guys can't get down with some DOOM. Maybe I'll spend a Saturday with the floor speaks in the windows. All capitals, no trick spellin.

Anyone coming this way, can you stop at the store and pick up my ticket to stardom?

Great Names in History

2008-02-18T09:26:00.000-05:00

So far, this President's Day weekend has involved poker, Yahtzee, and Singstar Karaoke. Our founding fathers would be proud.

Speaking of Singstar, I am now the proud owner of the Amped version. I was immediately sold when I looked at the track list and saw Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, Alice in Chains AND Nirvana. The thought of singing any of those songs immediately sent me whirling back to my early teenage years when I wanted to be a frontman for a grunge band. Two songs into the evening I quickly realized why that dream never materialized. Singing "Alive" with a male counterpart sounded less like Eddie Vedder and more like Doug and his friends on "The State."

Now, when guests visit my house, we can entertain by pretending to be singers or pretending to play guitar. Yay make believe!

Unanimous

2008-02-13T21:15:00.000-05:00

Josiah denied? I couldn't imagine this season without all the tears and faux brit slang. What a gyp.

So amazon gives me the best recommendations on a daily basis. Here's today's gem. Look at the amount of 5-star reviews!

Most of my day was spent watching this conversation:

"Mr. Clemens, are you a player in Major League Baseball?"
"Yes I am."
"And are you aware of a drug called steroids?"
"Yes I am."
"Mr. Clemens, are you saying, under oath, that you are a Major League Baseball player and you have knowledge of a drug called steroids?"

I'm pretty sure there was some kind of war going on today, and there might have been some issue with the economy. But thanks, Congressional hearing on steroids and baseball. Thanks for reminding me why we're American.

New things I don't like

2008-02-12T22:32:00.001-05:00

Here's some new things I don't like after watching American Idol:

- people who over enunciate when singing
- people who wear scarves indoors when it's obviously not cold
- people who are between the ages of 16-25 and say they've waited their whole lives for something (the younger, the worse)
- Bryan Adams, and anyone singing his songs
- my choice of TV shows

Bienvenidos

2008-02-11T21:48:00.001-05:00

This online journal previously had a prettier residence. Then I got lazy.

I like this background, it reminds me of Dippin Dots, that space age ice cream you find at the mall. I always get the Cotton Candy flavor out of irresistble temptation, and then feel pretty sick once I'm at the bottom of the cup.